Lets see if you believe in me too

So much has changed since i last wrote. As I sit here writing an ungodly long paper about some bullshit disease listening to Christmas music, I think what else can I do, beside this awful paper?? So here I am. Still in the cold wilderness of the armpit of the world, im a permanent resident now. This ungodly paper is for my first semester of Grad school. The decision to go to Grad is another sick sad joke. But here I am. Writing a paper so I can pass my first semester of Grad school at a ridiculously expense private school so I can continue to bury my head in this health care industry. This industry that makes me so frustrated I cry because no one gives a shit. No one. Im the only one that notices shit- which good for you, because Im the only one standing between you and that white light your family refuses to release you to. So once a week I think, what the hell am I doing?? I should be working in a bank. In the vault counting money. numbers dont lie. There is no gray. You are right or wrong. Figures dont lie and liars dont figure. So my new job in ICU defentitley has its disadvantages. People die all the time. All the time. Not in thier sleep either, think the grandma in TITANIC. traumatic, horrible and messy. with broken bones and lack of oxygen and purple feet. Who needs toes when you could die?? No one cares about the quality of nannas life, as long as shes alive. Stuff her and place on the mantle. Along with accessories- ventilator, tube feed machine, pumping nutrients into her soulless body. Pull her down for holidays and ignore the smell of that bedsore in her ass. because thats no life for this bitch!! let me go!! Everyone says, dont do that to me. But have no problem doing it to nanna. and then nanna gets sent a nursing home bc they cant possibley take care of her- but they signed the consents, they made that decision. If I cant eat or poop when I want, thats no life I want to live. EVER!