There are movie shows, downtown

Have you ever had one of those days were you just want to curse yourself out and hit yourself in the face at the same, with a crowbar, or whatever you may find???

Today, is just one of those times. I should have played sick and stayed in bed, the popo can't get you there, or so I hear.

I had a project to do in BFE today with classmates. ugh, well, lets back-up to yesterday... my friend who is a freshman at my college hates her roomate and needed a break. So I offered to take her home with me for a relaxing day with the fam. ahahahahaha. just hearing it makes me laugh. So anyhow I took her back to the dorms this morning. ANd then, I cut off twice, almost got hit by a minivan going the wrong fn way one a 1 way street, and got lost in attempt to meet my friends before our adventure to BFE. I finally get to BFE and we walk around this town. grrrr

We finally attempt to make the group solution to leave. We tell this gurl, and looks at us, and walks away. wtf!!!! How is the group togetherness???? shoot me, or better yet, throw me on the RR tracks that I've been standing on for 10 mins to prove a point about safety.

So We finally leave and everyone's really moody, and Im attempting to get home so I can have lunch.

Then i see him. The popo. 10 feet behind the 35 mph speed limit sign. FML. As i driving at 50mph, I knew I was Fucked. big time. despite all the useless banter and info swapping i ended up with a tix. FUCK!!!! where's my crowbar??

"You seem like a nice person." tear tear of my copy of the carbon papered tix. "Don't let this ruin your day."

Are fn kidding me??? tear that shit up if you don't want to ruin my day. ahhhhhhhhhh FUCK.

The popo, who was nice enough to make a court appt for me, told me if I go, they wont charge me the full fine. But he forgot to mention the court costs they charge for your 4.3 mins of explaining they charge you. im planning on going, but who knows, I could be dead by then.

ps. I've been off work for 7 days, so now is NOT the time to be racking up unnecessary bills.

FUCK!!!

next time I'll talk about my love affair with beyond the norm and how I luv excess and that's prob why i speed, but not tonight, im tired.

To be in love I didn't know you had to fight to have the upper hand....

And there you are on your knees.

So I hate that my laptop has this box below the keyboard that you can use you fingers on to navigate the screen. idk wtf it's called, but I paid for this it would ripped off by now. it has a mind of it's own and F's up all my osts and starts the letter 4 lines behind. ahhhh

Anyhow. Lately I've been going to a certain bar with my friends on friday nigts, bc let's face it, work fn sux. I spend 8 hrs cleaning up shit and 30 mins bitching about it while I try to eat my frozen dinner. So, about 1.5 years ago I noticed that someone from my past worked there. He did not aknowledge me. Previous to these encounters, he worked at kiki's-midnights- for awhile. So we had a chance to talk-flirt- and move on from our previous hx.

So a couple of weeks I go to this bar, fully assurrerd that he DOES NOT still work there, bc that would a record for him. So who do I see> him. My contacts get real fuzzy, which pisses me off too. So I was not sure. So my friends go to leave after a couple drinks, which I def! needed, and he's sitting at the bar. ironically, that's where he was the last 2 times I saw him :) I thought he would just ignore me.

He saw me, and actually put down his beer and hugged me. I introduced him to my friends, then my wildest friend leans over to introduce herself to his friend, nugging the boy from my past at the right time, spilling his beer all him. HAHAHAHAHA.

It was the best moment of my ruined day. we left. I went to Shetts and tried to buy a bottle of wine to keep my spirit going,but it was after 1am. wtf. So I went home, and realizes how drunk I really was, laid in bed for 1 hour before I finally fell into a giddy sleep.

Just like I always wanted...Im going to find someone someday who might actually treat me well.

Oh well, oh well, it never took a lot to make this hard

You were so off balanced and I knew just the right words

So I told you that story to tell you this story, I've been thinking about my future a lot, after school and graduation, and then the NCLEX.

I've decided that Im moving out of my parents house when I graduate, def. I need space and freedom. Getting the 3rd degree about having alcohol whil reading my textbook does not fit into my freedom scale. Im love my parents but I want my own damn house with my own rules. I respect thier rules and thier sleep schedules, but I want to be able to make my own schedule.

Here's what you have been waiting for....my potential future homes: cleveland and richmond.

Im sorta thinking of taking my NCLEX in both states and going from there...

But remember, I could die in Africa then I wouldn't have to worry about choosing, or student loans.

So here's how I told my dad. We were talking about how ronald just moved out....

"What would you do if I moved out?"

'That would be ugly' and walks downstairs

"What would say if I moved to richmond?"

'which richmond?' bc i have an externship in richmond heights this summer

"Richmond VA" I hide behind the cupboards and hold my breath

'Why would you that?'

"Theres babies in VA, there are no babies on OH"

'Whens the nextime you are going down there??'

"next month"

then we started to talk about houses and friends...and I related everything back to Richmond, but he had the final word...

'Well, if really you want to move to Richmond, there's nothing I can do to stop you. You have to do what you have to do.'

Admitting that I'm bullheaded and nothing can stop me from attaining what I want was a good way to end the conversation.

PS> If there was not a church in Richmond there's no way in the lake of fire I'd move there

And it burns likes gasoline

I always say how I don't need you, but it's all going to come back to this

Please don't leave me...

So now I would like to talk about my future after nursing school, if i live that long. Bc lets face it, I could be dead by then.

The mother mentioned in my previous post has been one of my best friends for my whole life. oviously she hasn't made the best decisions regaurding love, sex, and money. 1st, love, and well sex rolled together. Last summer she told that she was prego before she even told her parents. ah!!! And this wasn't the first time she has been prego, more like the third. No, she does not have 3 kids, only 1. So the 1st and 2nd time were aborted, electively. After those 2 incidents you think someone would learn that taking antibiotics and birth control is not a reliable source of a baby free life.

So her son was a product of her and a Honduran illegal working man. They met in bar 9how sweet9 and it ramping, raging sex after that. They do care for each and she moved in/out with over the course of 1.5 yrs of baby-free coupleship. So when the idea MARRIAGE came up, they faced a huge prob bc he's not supposed to be here. For them to get married, they have to ship thier asses back to Honduras and get married there, then have Honduras write some letter for him, and the he would apply to get a green card. That was over a year ago...

Then came a baby in a amniotic sac. Back to last summer, i know she's prego and so do my parents, but not hers. So she comes to bible school and people notice. She's a big gurl, baby weight is different that adipose tissue. So some people noticed. Lil man was due Dec5th-ish. Actual birthday? October 11, yeah wtf!

Why was lil man born early? Well, here's what I know and this is the reason. The mother smoked the whole pregnancy. And some weeks before his entry to the world his father was caught driving without a license, multiple times. Since he doesn't legally belong here, he was almost deported. As a side note, every time he was drving a different car, but none of them were his.... a sign of....

Anyhow, all this stress made my friend loca!!! and pre-term birth was it's way. Some lil man spent 2 months in the hospital because of his pre-maturity. I couldn't get down to see him till new years r/t work, school, and the fact they only let limited # of people see him and only during certain times.

But come New years, my ass was holding a gorgous baby boy!!!!!! That visit his mother and I got tatoos and celebrated the new year. The 2nd time I visited him, was before my externship started and we went to the beach in may. yes it was FN cold but he loved it!! Lil man loved the water and watching people. oh that boy is sooo much fun.

The 3rd and most recent time i saw him was right before school, the week before my 22nd birthday. I guess I should have mentioned that they live in pichmond, 7.5 hrs from my house. So that time we went to beach. the next day I went to an amuesment park with my aunt and Uncle and thier 3 crazy kids. Then I had an amazing dinner with lil man and his mother 830 pm!!! But the best part was when my friend was getting him ready for bed and he was crying he was so tired, he turned his little head and said, "AHHH HEDDDDAAAAAA". He said my name!!! My name! So now he says mama and hedda!!! yes, score 769 points for Aunt hedda!!! That was the best birthday present I could have ever gotten.

it's all your fault, you called me beautiful

So I get home tonight from my good night at work to a post-it note on the fridge: hedda paypal 8008725555 GE fraud. WTF does that mean?? I begin to curse to myself bc of course everyone is asleep. GE to me means my local grocery store, and i love my paypal MC, so wtf now? I eat my salad and my poor excure for cooked frozen pizza I managed to mangle this afternoon and go wake up my dad. Which was quite entertaining at 2344.

"Dad what is the post-it about?"

'what'

"The post-it on the fridge"

'what? its about, it's about, its.....'

"Dad?"

'Its about, ah. What did it say??"

"hedda paypal somephone number, GE fraud"

'oh, its, ah about paypal. Some recorded message about GE'

"Oh, thats thier bank."

'its 24 hrs'

WTF that was completely useless in helping me crack my case s calling the number. So I give in and call and whole program is completely automated. It the whole verification process was quite simple to crack; they wanted to know if spend $X on a ring from some online site. yes, yes I did. Please pay them so I can get it!!

So I just got a text from my friend who is a mother of an 8-month old telling me how crazy the club she is at is. wtf. I give up

It took a lot of trying just to get up that hill

So work was exhausting!! My legs ache like something terrible. I got no help with my lil maniacs and told that I need to take control of my floor. I can't take control of the demented, no one can!!! Look at my grandparents, there is just no point in trying to control them or convince them of anything. It's a waste of time.

I still don't know if I have a job in the big C, but Im not worried, I would just the $$$ and working for a big org. After much debating and soul searching I think I want to work for a big org and work downtown. I do like small hospitals but I know there's sooo much more out for me to learn and experience, even if I have no idea what Im doing. I don't know where I will work at when I graduate, or even what state...

I think my parents ar going thru the oppisite of empty nest syndrome right now. i think they are experiencing the throw the chichlettes out of the nest and see if they fly syndrome. Really, i think they are sick of our drama. With my wild adventures, nana getting a tat, and tater moving out. 9and yes Im still using code names9

My eyes and hurting so Im about to go noonoo or watch some TV, anything but school work, which spread allll over my desk.

here we go again

So here I sit blogging, again. My last blog got boughtout or dismantled or something. I had some pretty good confessions on there. That blog helped me thru a lot of emotions and things I couldn't say but wrote. When it was shut down, I was relieved and sad at the same time. There is no way I can get those blogs/thoughts back and that is good thing. It was a huge door slamming on my horrible selfish decisions that I made in my youth. So I'm starting fresh with more maturity, knowledge, and higher morale compass (most of the time ;) ).

I am starting off this semester with tons of hope and optimism and confidence. I am taking OB, high acuity care, and community health nursing. I just filled out my paperwork for a passport today to go on a trip to nigeria, africa after new years for 2 weeks!!! So im off to work to raise that money for that trip.