Feliz Navidad

So thanksgiving is behind us and now onto the Christmas season. I work turkey day, thank you health care, and im working the next 4 holidays to pay for my plane tix and vacations. It hasn't snowed here yet. Well not enough for me to see it at 10am. It's getting cold just in time for my coat to break turning it into a permanent pull over. awesome.

After finals Im driving to the big WV to see my brother. Then in January, Im off to see my mama in her new house. Should be interesting.

i have so much to do before finals its horrible. Like now I should be doing it, but i rather not.

It makes me ill

I hate talking about the day she had surrounded by a bunch of assholes. I hate that she keeps talking about these people that should be cut from her life. I hate it when she doesn't give me her full attention when I call her. I hate how she won't call any of the people that I've told her to call. I have that she's going out of her way to be bored out-of-her-mind. I hate how she does wtf she wants and doesn't care about anyone else's feelings.

I hate how she thinks after 2 drinks I need treatment. I hate how I can't remember the last birthday I spent with her. I hate it that my damn family can't get along. I hate how I really don't know my family r/t the former but can explain their behavior beautifully. I hate how she tells me what to do when she never followed it. I hate how she thinks I'm irrational and angry.

But most of all I hate how much I resemble her and she's not even here.

When love comes around

Going out tonight for some much needed stress relief and fun!!

Gotta be strong, gotta be strong. Tho Im really hurting that your gone

Tonight I realized just how shitty my end of the stick is. WTF is she thinking???

BUt in end, I fn give up. Do whatever the hell you want; You always have

Thought that I'd be helpless without you, but Im smarter

So I talked to the infamous damsel today and she sounds so much better. She went swimming and is planning to workout tomorrow with one of her friends. So, whats her plan??? idk. She doesn't know. She is taking this as a 'break' bc he hasn't given her a real answer. only, "he's thought about it and he's decided." So she's going to ride the week out and see what comes.

I raked leaves today for 2.5 hours and Im a lil worried about my obsession with this damn house and appearances. Today I discovered that there is a rodent living in my garage. oh sweet Jesus. So my solution??? Burn that bitch up!! ahah. That seems to be the answer to everything lately. It would solve two problems actually; Get that animal out of my garage and then I don't have use it my house!!!

She sits and stares into the distance, and it takes all night.

So here we go. Again.

You know when Im starting off with that, its about a relationship....

I just don't fully understand, anything as it turns out. I got marriage shattering news this morning at 11:15am and then continued to work. Bad idea. I am prob getting wrote up but that lady wouldn't let me leave, without hearing my reason for asking. F it.

So this relationship that mystified everyone, survived hundreds of miles in between, and defended cheating emails, is now over. Ah hell. I wish I had the whole story, but all I have is, 'he decided that we shouldn't be married anymore." I like to believe that there are two sides to every story but that is prob quite improbable, and the only story I going to tell him is the one that ends with my new stiletto up his ass.

I don't know her plan, but by hell she better get one. I'll give a week before tracking her down it that dusty lil town. I don't know where she'll be or who she'll be with and Im not sure which one scares me more. It hurts my hart to know she's out there all alone with no one. I believe she needs to come home and get her thoughts, priorities, plan of attack together.

You can never win, you can never lose. Thats the worst part.

I told my friends today that this throws out ALL chances of me ever trusting a man. That's just what it is. I get my heart broken along with every friend/family member who had ever had theirs broken by some asshole. So experiencing that pain directly and being driven crazy by someone who doesn't want me, would prob push me over the edge. I really am shocked that this relationship is over. I just want to scream, cry, and break dishes, all at the same time. I just wish there was something I could do. But once again, I'm powerless and left hopeless; bound and broken on the floor.

And I don't know what I’m supposed to do. So I sit down and I cry too, and don't let her see.

I can see right thru you, like you bathe in windex

So I really don't like animals. I can't stand their smell, their hair, or how they never leave you alone. Any kind of animal, no matter how cute it is. But lately I've been thinking about my future. esp my address and financial plans. We won't discuss the address portion bc that decision (good or bad) has manage to piss off my entire family, so moving on. The only thing I will tell you is that it located in BFE, compared to what Im used to. (You should see the grocery store)

So mondays are always rough for me. Class at 8am and then to the worst hospital to collect my patient info for 645am on Tuesday. Then onto work for 8.5hrs. So monday morning I had a quiz at 8am (I know, how can they expect me to remember my name, let alone wtf a low preload means). So, I get out of bed, get half-dressed, make my tea, and as Im awaiting my bagels to toast I look out the window and see 2 huge blurs run across my backyard. One stops in the opening btwn trees seperating us from our neighbor.

And what is there, staring at me and my house?? A huge BUCK (male deer) with huge antlers. WTF!!! I live in the city, I pay extra money NOT to see wildlife. The one BUCK is still standing there staring at my house. So I do the only logical thing: Start screaming for my dad.

"DAD!!! DAD!! DAD!!!" I begin to look around the house for them. Then back to window to watch him, like a hawk. (ahah).

"DAD! LISA!!!!!! LISA!!!!! DAD!!! FAMILY! Is anyone HOME!!!"

Then it begins to walk along the side of my garage out of my sight. awesome. I can just see it waiting for me to pull out and then charge my egg. Esp bc I had to go to school r/t my quiz.

I finally find my family in bathroom. my parents think it's the coolest thing ever.

"You'll see them all time when you move to*" Well I live here now and I don't want to see that!!

And that brings me to tonight. After clinical and work I check on my dehumidifier and head home. As I merge onto the highway that will carry me home I notice a HUGE black shadow crossing the road. i thought it was a big mutt dog.

But no, the universe continue to think my life is a galactic joke and I see that its a doe, crossing a damn highway!!!

And I just want to know, Why are they so obsessed with me??? So is this a sign? A call of the wild? A sign I should move to BFE or a warning Im going to be scared shitless standing in my kitchen all alone IF i do move??? I hope its the former, but only anxiety and worry will tell.