You can be addicted to certain kind of sadness

Im speaking of the exhausted, workaholic feeling. I love shopping and traveling, but when nothing is planned and everyone else is busy, I think of all things i want, and how I need money for them and I end up picking up 3/4 days off. This is true is weekend, Saturday Ill be in charge (yikes) something I never want to do, but oh well. You can keep your extra 0.50$. And this AM my manager texted me if I want to work e/n double, 3pm- 7am the next day. Ugh, still undecided, If worked all 12hrs last night I would, super overtime..... "Now and then, I think of all the times you've screwed me over." But I got sent home at 11pm so a float nurse could have her hours, I guess they never get cancelled. So I feel kinda screwed out of my ot, that I deserve. (doesnt everyone?) I was really hoping to be cancelled Saturday, get out of charge duty, but it looks like no. "But I don't want to live that way, thinking it was always something that I did." Oh and we work every other weekend, so it'll be 3 weekends in a row Im working, but my social life is nothing amazing, and the parties I want to go to, I work those days. Today brought to you by... Someone I used To Know- Gotye

whiskey is for sipping and water is for fighting.

Im currently watching a documentary about the bottled water industry and how companies come and pump water and dont pay taxes, or contribute to the community, basically steal this spring water and leave the community dry. In the last months I have become addicted to these documentaries, which leave with all these great business ideas, but you have to be nice to the locals, or they will get angry and make a documentary about how evil u are. Like building a water company, opening a bank, once im rich with capital, being part of the mob, opening a dunkin donuts with a casino in the basement (run by my mob friends), and opening a medicinal marijuana clinic (run by my professional co workers). It just reminds how I get these ideas in my head and obsess over them, until they are my life, haha soml. I still want my sheets but I do not have room in the budget, so I still do not have red sheets and a new comforter, I somehow resisted the urge yesterday, when it was the lowest price since i had been desiring it, even after the bobo vomited on my sheets at 4am....I still am waiting for my fixed up chairs, which will take my extra money this week. So no new sheets and no business plans, yet, but construction continues.

'cause a bad bitch like me is hard to find

Its true. I did some remodeling of this blog, I think it needed it, with summer here and it being 90 degrees outside. So Murphy Law goes, so goes the story of my life. Waiting for validation on a quote, but we will all know soon enough, ugh. Worst case scenario, but I dont run that show, I have enough in my own life.. I cant figure out people, but they seem to have alternative motives, as usual, Ive learned that I really dont have time for bullshit or for you to push my buttons, i still get caught up sometimes and get so angry my heads going to explode, but to derail that train, I try and be as honest as I can. If I dont want old pictures Ima tell you. I dont want that, please dont ask me a 3rd time, you just make me wanna stay away longer, I shouldnt have to drink to cope with your mania. So in a world of passive-aggressiveness, I try to be as straight forward as I can. Some people prob think im a B, but at least you know what im thinking and what i want, even if im wrong. Still working on this in aspects of my life, but construction continues!!

Why you say no.no. no. When its always yeah, yeah yeah

Finally have a day off, yesterday had half a day off but spent it cleaning, recycling, and errands. Or as i like to say, practicing my housewife skills. Someday they will be perfect!! So what has happened in the last 5 months... Well, what didnt happen was: I havent gotten arrested, been placed on some good psych meds, or gotten admitted to the hospital. I believe those are the only things that havent happens, that list is shorter. Still dont have good coping skills so im quite impressed with myself!! I bought a house! In the armpit of the world, all my dreams moving like a gypsy to the Beach, not so enjoyable in real life. All the hurricanes hit the VA beach onthe way to destroy NYC, so i much safer here, with the occasional earthquake from all the "fracking" hahaha. I love reading those articles. The 21st century has come to my home base in search of their natural gas hoarding and the world finally wants to pay us for something. Those people deserve something for owning 40 acres in the middle of nowhere.. Anyhow, I closed on my house valentines day, after 4 months, 50 houses of searching, I found the one. And tho, I graduated from college and have % intitals behind my name, envisioning my capability and bringing myself back into reality and my poor coping skills is still hard. There are some gorgous house here, I looked at several times, and tho I learn they have been "empty" for 3+ years, My desire to have/do it all surpasses my real expectations of what a house should be. I want to restore and and make everything glam and gorgous and have everyone be enveous of what I have and what I did, but in real life the $$$ time, expertese in housing, and dedications out weights me. In short, I do not own a 1920 fixer-upper needs some love, damp moldy basement, 3 story, maid quarters in the attic, house. Nope. As beautiful as the entry way grand stair case, ballroom sized bedroom, and walk up attics were, I reality, where I live, most of the time, I cant handle overhauling a house. "does it have insulation?" What?? I sure as hell hope so... So I live on a dead end street, brick house- less bugs/termite probs, Water proofed basement, deck, and a yard for the bobo. Painted it all, ceilings and all, pics hung on the wall, I own a firproof box, and new furniture. Acting a grown up. I cant believe it's only been three months here, Today I called to cancel my second trash pick up. It seems the city picks up and ties the charges with my water bill. Still working on updating, but even these projects are enough to keep me and my wallet busy. Working overtime at my job, which love tons over my last one. Tho I still dream of going back to school or the ICU, but even the ICU burns you out with ungrateful pts and crazy family members. So who knows,,, what the future holds, Tho i hear it will interesting this summer, as usual. Anyhow, I think im on way to being satisfied with my life/job, but construction continues

soml

its been awhile....yes it has. So many things/ideas/feelings have changed since my last October. I somehow survived my freshman year as a RN. I have switched jobs, started a new job in October, at the mothership. Today I placed an offer on a house, permanently cementing my life in neo. I think this is my fate. I have tried surviving in VA but I dont have my own life there. here is my life. Esp since Halloween. And all those tears are for another day. But everything is going so far the way its supposed to. so thats the soml so far

Well they say, even the best laid plans go to hell

story of my life. I graduated with my BSN 5 months ago, passed my boards 3 months ago, and still don't have a an official RN job. I am so glad i spent 5 years on this career choice. I hear after my one year experience I can go anywhere and do more, but I really have risk my mental health for a one year experience that just might kill me? or worse, suspend my license? idk kids....
I had big plans was to move away from certain (several actually) situations in downtown oHIo. There are certain people that I rather not ever see or run into here, or around here. I hoped to achieve that by moving 500 miles away but as always, GOD had othere ideas. He's not ready to separate me from this wet, gray, cold place. So I'll keep on truckin' on. Story of my life. And what about this house of interest and in dire need of love and repair? Well, that's not happening right now but i do believe it is time for me to get my own place.... Somewhere in this world.

So, yeah, its been a while...

Its crazy how things can change. hopes, dreams, plans, and careers. I am still seeking employment and it would be super ironic if the only place that would hire me is located an hour north of ground zero... anyone who was on Kingsgrave road July 5th knows what I mean.
I need an escape far enough not to be in the loop or accountable for anything. i found that place but my career is not finding me. So im going after it with vengeance! PA, MD, DC, VA, WV, NC, SC, FL, TX, and cali are all far enough away. now which one will get me? whoever calls first!!!

Im almost out of monet but im having the summer of a lifetime, so if I end up in BFE for a year, at least i enjoyed my unemployment time!!