Thought that I'd be helpless without you, but Im smarter

So I talked to the infamous damsel today and she sounds so much better. She went swimming and is planning to workout tomorrow with one of her friends. So, whats her plan??? idk. She doesn't know. She is taking this as a 'break' bc he hasn't given her a real answer. only, "he's thought about it and he's decided." So she's going to ride the week out and see what comes.

I raked leaves today for 2.5 hours and Im a lil worried about my obsession with this damn house and appearances. Today I discovered that there is a rodent living in my garage. oh sweet Jesus. So my solution??? Burn that bitch up!! ahah. That seems to be the answer to everything lately. It would solve two problems actually; Get that animal out of my garage and then I don't have use it my house!!!

She sits and stares into the distance, and it takes all night.

So here we go. Again.

You know when Im starting off with that, its about a relationship....

I just don't fully understand, anything as it turns out. I got marriage shattering news this morning at 11:15am and then continued to work. Bad idea. I am prob getting wrote up but that lady wouldn't let me leave, without hearing my reason for asking. F it.

So this relationship that mystified everyone, survived hundreds of miles in between, and defended cheating emails, is now over. Ah hell. I wish I had the whole story, but all I have is, 'he decided that we shouldn't be married anymore." I like to believe that there are two sides to every story but that is prob quite improbable, and the only story I going to tell him is the one that ends with my new stiletto up his ass.

I don't know her plan, but by hell she better get one. I'll give a week before tracking her down it that dusty lil town. I don't know where she'll be or who she'll be with and Im not sure which one scares me more. It hurts my hart to know she's out there all alone with no one. I believe she needs to come home and get her thoughts, priorities, plan of attack together.

You can never win, you can never lose. Thats the worst part.

I told my friends today that this throws out ALL chances of me ever trusting a man. That's just what it is. I get my heart broken along with every friend/family member who had ever had theirs broken by some asshole. So experiencing that pain directly and being driven crazy by someone who doesn't want me, would prob push me over the edge. I really am shocked that this relationship is over. I just want to scream, cry, and break dishes, all at the same time. I just wish there was something I could do. But once again, I'm powerless and left hopeless; bound and broken on the floor.

And I don't know what I’m supposed to do. So I sit down and I cry too, and don't let her see.

I can see right thru you, like you bathe in windex

So I really don't like animals. I can't stand their smell, their hair, or how they never leave you alone. Any kind of animal, no matter how cute it is. But lately I've been thinking about my future. esp my address and financial plans. We won't discuss the address portion bc that decision (good or bad) has manage to piss off my entire family, so moving on. The only thing I will tell you is that it located in BFE, compared to what Im used to. (You should see the grocery store)

So mondays are always rough for me. Class at 8am and then to the worst hospital to collect my patient info for 645am on Tuesday. Then onto work for 8.5hrs. So monday morning I had a quiz at 8am (I know, how can they expect me to remember my name, let alone wtf a low preload means). So, I get out of bed, get half-dressed, make my tea, and as Im awaiting my bagels to toast I look out the window and see 2 huge blurs run across my backyard. One stops in the opening btwn trees seperating us from our neighbor.

And what is there, staring at me and my house?? A huge BUCK (male deer) with huge antlers. WTF!!! I live in the city, I pay extra money NOT to see wildlife. The one BUCK is still standing there staring at my house. So I do the only logical thing: Start screaming for my dad.

"DAD!!! DAD!! DAD!!!" I begin to look around the house for them. Then back to window to watch him, like a hawk. (ahah).

"DAD! LISA!!!!!! LISA!!!!! DAD!!! FAMILY! Is anyone HOME!!!"

Then it begins to walk along the side of my garage out of my sight. awesome. I can just see it waiting for me to pull out and then charge my egg. Esp bc I had to go to school r/t my quiz.

I finally find my family in bathroom. my parents think it's the coolest thing ever.

"You'll see them all time when you move to*" Well I live here now and I don't want to see that!!

And that brings me to tonight. After clinical and work I check on my dehumidifier and head home. As I merge onto the highway that will carry me home I notice a HUGE black shadow crossing the road. i thought it was a big mutt dog.

But no, the universe continue to think my life is a galactic joke and I see that its a doe, crossing a damn highway!!!

And I just want to know, Why are they so obsessed with me??? So is this a sign? A call of the wild? A sign I should move to BFE or a warning Im going to be scared shitless standing in my kitchen all alone IF i do move??? I hope its the former, but only anxiety and worry will tell.

Ring the alarm I've been thru this too long

So I think over estimate my ability not to care. My step-brother came home this weekend and he woke me to tell me he was leaving today, and off I went back to noonoo town. Maybe it's bc I sent the weekend with my lil man, then was sick, and now it's all coming together, This is for real. But i just miss everyone today. I've never wanted to be so many places at once. I guess that's part of growing up and it sux, really. But I its true, you don't know what you've got till its gone.

I miss midnight snacks with my step-bro. I miss him making fun of our parents together, and I really don't know how im going to get thru November rain without him. I miss teasing him about his hair that he doesn't brush and wondering what else he stole of his sisters.

I miss late night drinks and Zuma with my brother. I miss stopping by and visiting him at work and complaining about work and then going home. I miss having someone to try $4 wine with and watch The Office with. i miss someone screaming UNO! down the hall when I loose a game of UNO! I miss someone distracting me as I tell my mother about how crazy my Gma is.

I guess I just miss my friends.

Baby when Im looking out, Im surrounded by your warm embrace

Right now my life consists of studying, napping, and cleaning bums. Seriously, not homeless bums either, physical bumbums. Im up to 3-4 dAYS a weeks so I can attempt to save for new semester, the most important semester of my life!! Tho I did buy new earrings, they are gorgeous!!!! But it will be a small christmas, not like my super $700 christmases from before that take me all of january and february to pay off. This christmas is going to be, "Thanks for handing over my car payment next month to me Im so excited to be an adult." *kisses* mb one gift for everyone and under $300. The little ones are going to be hard NOT to buy for. They are soo soo cute!!

For christmas I just want some sleep, peace, and able to see everyone. From Brookfield to West Virginia, to Richmond. I just want an enjoyable New years Eve and my health.

oh there goes gravity, its back to reality

so after the 5 minutes it took me to log in im ready to have a meltdown!! I just got home from traffic court, what a joke, just like the rest of my life. The people that were around me looked like they spent all day fixing their and drinking beer. Then the took a nap and kicked their dog on the way out the door to court. OMG!!! Camo pants and ripped T-shirt is not suitable attire for court, no matter how unjust. WTF is wrong with people.

The judge didn't even look at me and it was only $15 cheaper to go in person. No contest your honor.

"Sign that paper and take it to room 5." as he's staring at his desk prob making scribbles of a banana fudge sunday. Welcome to mahoning county bitches!!!

Ima be living the good life

Where have i been the last 2 weeks? well, let me just re-cap. Last saturday one of my best friends gma's died. Calling hours tuesday. Work wednesday, I went in early bc they were frantic. They forgot to mention that they were frantic r/t the state surveyer being in the building!!! Oh, and my favorite resident died. oh, Mrs. suicide I miss you. She died of natural causes, monday morning.

So here i sit on saturday night, studying for 2 tests monday, and one test friday morning. Then friday morning, Im busting outta here to go to VA to see my lil man!!!