Ring the alarm I've been thru this too long

So I think over estimate my ability not to care. My step-brother came home this weekend and he woke me to tell me he was leaving today, and off I went back to noonoo town. Maybe it's bc I sent the weekend with my lil man, then was sick, and now it's all coming together, This is for real. But i just miss everyone today. I've never wanted to be so many places at once. I guess that's part of growing up and it sux, really. But I its true, you don't know what you've got till its gone.

I miss midnight snacks with my step-bro. I miss him making fun of our parents together, and I really don't know how im going to get thru November rain without him. I miss teasing him about his hair that he doesn't brush and wondering what else he stole of his sisters.

I miss late night drinks and Zuma with my brother. I miss stopping by and visiting him at work and complaining about work and then going home. I miss having someone to try $4 wine with and watch The Office with. i miss someone screaming UNO! down the hall when I loose a game of UNO! I miss someone distracting me as I tell my mother about how crazy my Gma is.

I guess I just miss my friends.

Baby when Im looking out, Im surrounded by your warm embrace

Right now my life consists of studying, napping, and cleaning bums. Seriously, not homeless bums either, physical bumbums. Im up to 3-4 dAYS a weeks so I can attempt to save for new semester, the most important semester of my life!! Tho I did buy new earrings, they are gorgeous!!!! But it will be a small christmas, not like my super $700 christmases from before that take me all of january and february to pay off. This christmas is going to be, "Thanks for handing over my car payment next month to me Im so excited to be an adult." *kisses* mb one gift for everyone and under $300. The little ones are going to be hard NOT to buy for. They are soo soo cute!!

For christmas I just want some sleep, peace, and able to see everyone. From Brookfield to West Virginia, to Richmond. I just want an enjoyable New years Eve and my health.

oh there goes gravity, its back to reality

so after the 5 minutes it took me to log in im ready to have a meltdown!! I just got home from traffic court, what a joke, just like the rest of my life. The people that were around me looked like they spent all day fixing their and drinking beer. Then the took a nap and kicked their dog on the way out the door to court. OMG!!! Camo pants and ripped T-shirt is not suitable attire for court, no matter how unjust. WTF is wrong with people.

The judge didn't even look at me and it was only $15 cheaper to go in person. No contest your honor.

"Sign that paper and take it to room 5." as he's staring at his desk prob making scribbles of a banana fudge sunday. Welcome to mahoning county bitches!!!

Ima be living the good life

Where have i been the last 2 weeks? well, let me just re-cap. Last saturday one of my best friends gma's died. Calling hours tuesday. Work wednesday, I went in early bc they were frantic. They forgot to mention that they were frantic r/t the state surveyer being in the building!!! Oh, and my favorite resident died. oh, Mrs. suicide I miss you. She died of natural causes, monday morning.

So here i sit on saturday night, studying for 2 tests monday, and one test friday morning. Then friday morning, Im busting outta here to go to VA to see my lil man!!!

There are movie shows, downtown

Have you ever had one of those days were you just want to curse yourself out and hit yourself in the face at the same, with a crowbar, or whatever you may find???

Today, is just one of those times. I should have played sick and stayed in bed, the popo can't get you there, or so I hear.

I had a project to do in BFE today with classmates. ugh, well, lets back-up to yesterday... my friend who is a freshman at my college hates her roomate and needed a break. So I offered to take her home with me for a relaxing day with the fam. ahahahahaha. just hearing it makes me laugh. So anyhow I took her back to the dorms this morning. ANd then, I cut off twice, almost got hit by a minivan going the wrong fn way one a 1 way street, and got lost in attempt to meet my friends before our adventure to BFE. I finally get to BFE and we walk around this town. grrrr

We finally attempt to make the group solution to leave. We tell this gurl, and looks at us, and walks away. wtf!!!! How is the group togetherness???? shoot me, or better yet, throw me on the RR tracks that I've been standing on for 10 mins to prove a point about safety.

So We finally leave and everyone's really moody, and Im attempting to get home so I can have lunch.

Then i see him. The popo. 10 feet behind the 35 mph speed limit sign. FML. As i driving at 50mph, I knew I was Fucked. big time. despite all the useless banter and info swapping i ended up with a tix. FUCK!!!! where's my crowbar??

"You seem like a nice person." tear tear of my copy of the carbon papered tix. "Don't let this ruin your day."

Are fn kidding me??? tear that shit up if you don't want to ruin my day. ahhhhhhhhhh FUCK.

The popo, who was nice enough to make a court appt for me, told me if I go, they wont charge me the full fine. But he forgot to mention the court costs they charge for your 4.3 mins of explaining they charge you. im planning on going, but who knows, I could be dead by then.

ps. I've been off work for 7 days, so now is NOT the time to be racking up unnecessary bills.

FUCK!!!

next time I'll talk about my love affair with beyond the norm and how I luv excess and that's prob why i speed, but not tonight, im tired.

To be in love I didn't know you had to fight to have the upper hand....

And there you are on your knees.

So I hate that my laptop has this box below the keyboard that you can use you fingers on to navigate the screen. idk wtf it's called, but I paid for this it would ripped off by now. it has a mind of it's own and F's up all my osts and starts the letter 4 lines behind. ahhhh

Anyhow. Lately I've been going to a certain bar with my friends on friday nigts, bc let's face it, work fn sux. I spend 8 hrs cleaning up shit and 30 mins bitching about it while I try to eat my frozen dinner. So, about 1.5 years ago I noticed that someone from my past worked there. He did not aknowledge me. Previous to these encounters, he worked at kiki's-midnights- for awhile. So we had a chance to talk-flirt- and move on from our previous hx.

So a couple of weeks I go to this bar, fully assurrerd that he DOES NOT still work there, bc that would a record for him. So who do I see> him. My contacts get real fuzzy, which pisses me off too. So I was not sure. So my friends go to leave after a couple drinks, which I def! needed, and he's sitting at the bar. ironically, that's where he was the last 2 times I saw him :) I thought he would just ignore me.

He saw me, and actually put down his beer and hugged me. I introduced him to my friends, then my wildest friend leans over to introduce herself to his friend, nugging the boy from my past at the right time, spilling his beer all him. HAHAHAHAHA.

It was the best moment of my ruined day. we left. I went to Shetts and tried to buy a bottle of wine to keep my spirit going,but it was after 1am. wtf. So I went home, and realizes how drunk I really was, laid in bed for 1 hour before I finally fell into a giddy sleep.

Just like I always wanted...Im going to find someone someday who might actually treat me well.

Oh well, oh well, it never took a lot to make this hard

You were so off balanced and I knew just the right words

So I told you that story to tell you this story, I've been thinking about my future a lot, after school and graduation, and then the NCLEX.

I've decided that Im moving out of my parents house when I graduate, def. I need space and freedom. Getting the 3rd degree about having alcohol whil reading my textbook does not fit into my freedom scale. Im love my parents but I want my own damn house with my own rules. I respect thier rules and thier sleep schedules, but I want to be able to make my own schedule.

Here's what you have been waiting for....my potential future homes: cleveland and richmond.

Im sorta thinking of taking my NCLEX in both states and going from there...

But remember, I could die in Africa then I wouldn't have to worry about choosing, or student loans.

So here's how I told my dad. We were talking about how ronald just moved out....

"What would you do if I moved out?"

'That would be ugly' and walks downstairs

"What would say if I moved to richmond?"

'which richmond?' bc i have an externship in richmond heights this summer

"Richmond VA" I hide behind the cupboards and hold my breath

'Why would you that?'

"Theres babies in VA, there are no babies on OH"

'Whens the nextime you are going down there??'

"next month"

then we started to talk about houses and friends...and I related everything back to Richmond, but he had the final word...

'Well, if really you want to move to Richmond, there's nothing I can do to stop you. You have to do what you have to do.'

Admitting that I'm bullheaded and nothing can stop me from attaining what I want was a good way to end the conversation.

PS> If there was not a church in Richmond there's no way in the lake of fire I'd move there

And it burns likes gasoline